He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
