I heard we made out
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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