Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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