he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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