You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
