she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
