I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
