The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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