Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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