tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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