I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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