Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
