According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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