call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
