oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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