Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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