Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
