I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
