if i died would you start the facebook group?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
