"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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