I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
