Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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