I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
