Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
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Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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