Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Acid is not a monday night drug
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
