Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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