Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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