Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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