when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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