i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
