is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
