How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
