I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
