i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
