I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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