Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
