when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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