Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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