I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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