i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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