Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my liver is dry heaving
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
