I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
