shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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