now i know why i became what i already was.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
