The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
