We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
