kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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