you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
