ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
vagina is talking i cant
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They took my balls.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
