Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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