ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
