alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
