I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
