after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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