Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
