OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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